We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
