So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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