My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
