how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
