Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
