Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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