i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
