All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
