Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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