There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
