dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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