shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
