How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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