I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
