i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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