i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
