I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
