You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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