How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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