Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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