man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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