Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
