I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
