Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
