Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
