I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
