Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
