I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
