I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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