I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
