Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
