My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
