dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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