it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
