I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
