I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
