just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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