saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
