She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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