i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
