My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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