I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
