I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
