Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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