yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
