i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
only you would photoshop your dick
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
