Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
too bad you live with your parents still
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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