so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
