Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
