I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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