Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
