so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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