Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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